"The Confession Episode"
Well well... episode two, season 4 and we're still tumbling down the rabbit hole. I guess the writers were finding their feet, tryin' to get us to feel something but there was too much focus on Mel and Malik. Not much for the other guys. Absolutely no Jason or Kelly. :-( Oh well, here goes!
Malik, spiraling down without his mom or TeeTee. Sigh. Really?! The only thing a black man out of control does watch BORING strippers and sip cocktails off his assistant? Yeah. Tasha calls and threatens him with an assistant she's chosen, so he goes into high gear to find his own coz He got this!
Jazz's husband (coz I can't remember his name, like ever!) and Jazz help him find ditzy fuzz head. Hurrah!
I know she ain't that fine that you overlook her ability to do the most simple tasks, but maybe it's just me. Ah well, TeeTee to the rescue (see his cape flying)!!!
Ditzy McFuzzhead is obviously paying attention (roll eyes). In an attempt to free himself from what he percieves as Malik's continued claim on him and his time, TeeTee returns the money he was loaned WITH interest (I need relatives like TeeTee!!).
BUT....
Oh Snap! Money drove
We left the crazy boy alone to follow the crazy girl. What is up with Mel? She's sitting in Kelly's recently vacated seat at the top of the Sunbeams. I'm not sure if I addressed this before, but WHAT?! O_o I remember the dorky girl who strolled into their first meeting not wanting to be a part of some dog and pony show and now she's this?! Did she steal Kelly's soul? Is that why Kelly is such a hollow character this season? Gee!
Mel promptly and decidedly chooses to place Jazz exactly where she sees her, at the bottom of the cesspool serving refreshments at a charity event the Sunbeams plan to host. In between then and the event, she asks Derwin why Jazz was so desirable. As usual he places his big ol' foot squarely in his mouth by saying it was her exotic big ass and big boobs. Cue Mel's best Tasha impression of "Oh no you didn't!"
While we wait for the event, let's check back in on Malik. Has he decided to take to the pole himself? Did he talk to TeeTee yet?
You wish! He's frisking (or making fathers) toddlers! My rolex is gone! Oh yeah?! biff! boff! blam! It doesn't quite dissolve into physical action. Just dwindles off into "get outta my house" (I don't wanna know the truth ~ remember that 5 star song?). Well ol' rolex was hidin' in a bra! Whose?!
HERS! Blah blah blah, I hate you, you hate me, can't nobody trust nobody up in here. So blah? Yeah! And what?! Storm off. End scene. Yes, really, nothing to see here!
Meanwhile, Jazz is ruining Mel's party. Forget the stupid cucumber sandwiches. Pickles and sunflower seeds for errbody!
Mel, flustered, leaves Jazz to finish setting up. In walks Derwin who, desiring to avoid a potential lawsuit comes face to face with the ass he has already... um... dealt with. Wait. Remember that whole big ass comment from before?! Was this it? I'm still rubbin' my eyes.
Well, okay, we know this isn't going to end well...
Oh Derwin, Derwin, Derwin...
Mel's party starts. Boring! The girls are bored with her preachermony too!
And with the meticulously added sass that is expected of underprivileged teens...
You only have your iPad coz you married a football player! The day will come when the kind of girls depicted in this scene will be distant memories, do not despair!
The girls, who obviously spend too much time in front of the TV watching music videos (they still do that?) recognize Jazz from her vixen days, but she gets the big snub from Mel.
It doesn't last long since everyone (no I mean EVERYONE literally) loves sunflower seeds and pickles, they soon surround Jazz and then later plague her for her autograph while Mel stands aside steaming into her wine glass.
Maybe she should have replaced the wine glass with a pickle.
Hey Jazz! Thanks for stealing my thunder!
What?! You're boring!
Well you slept with all the Sabers.
Oh yeah? Well I still slept with someone, and so did you and you're a skank too!
Oh yeah?! (splashes wine in Jazz's face)
fight ensues
NOT!
Okay, if we're going with the whole stereotype thingy, where the eff is the fight? The sunbeams are too Housewives of Atlanta! Malik with the strippers? All the baby daddies and so on... ah well. I guess it is just a reflection of the culture.
ANYWAY, Jazz tells Mel off and sashays off into the other room. Tasha tells Mel that Jazz was right and she needs to stop judging her!
So next on the agenda, a contrite Mel (the girl we fell in love with in the first place) asks Jazz to help show them some of her vixen moves to spice up the bedroom.
Y'all want me to show you the Tee sunami (someone please tell me that was on purpose)? Coz your man is going to be all over you!
I guess TV husbands are different, mine just burst into peals of laughter... :-(
Mel, tried it!
Jazz called it a riptide. I'd say it was more of a ripple.
So where is Malik? Still sulking by the pool? Did he pick himself up and apologize to TeeTee or get a new assistant? Or did he invite Jazz's husband (what the hell is his name?!) back to the house to watch more strippers? (How many strippers can one watch?)
I know the picture is dark, but I swear to you that is Malik getting tazed by a cop who thinks he is drunk and disorderly.
The episode ends with Malik on the ground moaning and groaning, an unfortunate reminder of the troubles our brothers have endured at the hands of police (although he shouldn't have shoved the popo, just knocked him out with a right hook).
The episode was okay. A little closer to boring because the focus was on only two characters. One spiraling out of control with every single cliche that could ever be used on a black man, and the other still transmogrifying (blame Calvin & Hobbes) into the Housewife of Atlanta from Hell.
I hope they pick up the pace next week!
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