0 Post Mother's Day Blues

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So the flowers are sitting in a beautiful vase on the mantle and the chaos surrounding yesterday's festivities is settling down into a happy haze of contentedness. A quiet moment will bring into quick sharp focus, all the events of Mother's Day and the happy sounds of family gathered together to celebrate motherhood.

WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Aren't these the same people who are at each other's throats at Thanksgiving? Why is their peace and happiness on Mother's Day and not Thanksgiving? Same people, it's just fall instead of spring so what is the big deal?

It is because we are lying to ourselves. Motherhood is a knockout drag-out fight between mother and child from the day the child is born with a few minutes of peace scattered here and there. With sleepless nights, discipline, homework, bullying, puberty, broken hearts, slammed doors, the struggle to individuate, a brief moment of respite, then more fights when your child has their own... The pure agony of it is until one of the parties involved in this relationship dies it is forever fraught with the history they have created together.

Before you crinkle your nose, we all know that this relationship is difficult. If not, there wouldn't be so many movies, cartoons, ad and comedic sketches with the difficult mother.

Mother's day allows us the opportunity to scatter some pretty flowers over it, drizzle some glitter, cut out some paper hearts and tie a big bow on it. Or maybe we give our Mothers flowers and gifts so that at least for the moment, they will forget just how difficult it was to get us to this point.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! 

Disclaimer: If you tell that story one more time, I'm storming out! 

I will not be treated that way in my Mother's house!!

The horrors of motherhood that play out in many children's lives is ignored on this day. The pain they have received at the hands of those who are purported to love them like no other possibly could and sacrifice their very life blood to provide for them is completely swept aside as bodies world wide spasm in pleasure at the praise being showered on them.

Here is the truth. If you don't believe me, then please refer to this document, Summary X,  released by the US Department of Health and Services in 2009.

• Four-fifths (80.9%) of duplicate perpetrators of child maltreatment were parents, and another 6.3 percent were other relatives of the victim;
• Of the duplicate perpetrators who were parents, four-fifths (84.7%) were the biological parents of the victim;
• Women comprised a larger percentage of all unique perpetrators than men, 53.8 percent compared to 44.4 percent; and
• Four-fifths (83.2%) of all unique perpetrators were between the ages of 20 and 49 years

Even without these statistics we know of mothers who have emotionally manipulated their children for years that they struggle as adults to form healthy relationships with others. Mothers who have told their children "You are dead to me" after they declare their sexuality or marry someone from a different race or economic class.

In our exuberant celebration of the mothers we appreciate, we remember those who cannot join in because their relationship with their mother is replete with unmentionable pain.

Happy post Mother's Day Blues!

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0 Diet Coke for Toddlers (Oh Hell NAW!!!!)

Dear Shay,

My sister gives her toddlers diet coke all day long. When I tell her maybe you shouldn’t because I watched a report on how bad that stuff is for you, she got angry with me. I know it’s none of my business but I hate seeing my nephews drinking it. What should I do?

Ro

Dear Ro,

Let me start off by saying, I am glad that you care enough to bring this to light. Thank you for this question. Now on with it!

DIET COKE for TODDLERS...ARE YOU SERIOUS??!! *Deep breath - goin' to my happy place...wooosaaah*

Like Bernie Mac would have said, next time you run into your sister, you gonna bust her head til the white meat show, there's gonna be some furniture movin' up in that motha..... (J/P)

Image courtesy of wizbangpop

You got one of two options. You can get the information on the report from online and bring it to her and never mention it again. Or you can stay out of her business if that's what she wants! You can't save the children from their mother if she chooses to not educate herself on the harm that consuming diet coke can do to growing children. You can only control your own actions; so the next time the kids are over at your house, just make sure you give them healthy drinks and snacks. Don't try to be a hero.

Tell yo sister to get her act right or just let her do what she is gonna do, in both cases, remember you can't change the actions of others unless they are open to it.

Better yet, forward the image below courtesy of Term Life Insurance. Almost all the elements listed on the poster apply to her except for the sugar based ones: Diabetes, Obesity and Sugar overload!

Shay

Via: Term Life Insurance

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0 Marriage is dead

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I'm killing marriage y'all!

I'd like to have a discussion with you and talk about this antiquated institution we call marriage and why we are failing to allow it to evolve as human beings evolve.

In the not too distant past a man noticed a woman who he felt attracted to. He told his father and/or his mother who then researched the ancestry of the proposed woman and the process of requesting the woman's hand in marriage was initiated.

Often times the woman did not have a choice and once the marriage was sealed she was shipped off to go live with the man and bear his children. In those times men could not change their minds once the process had begun. If, after the marriage had happened, the man could not find enough love or respect in his heart for his wife, then he would either take a mistress or just bear his loveless childless marriage in a martyr-like trance till the day he died, busying himself with his business affairs or sports.

Before that in certain cultures, men would take multiples wives - who would just be happy to be married - bearing many children for the homestead to increase the wealth of the family and increase their workforce for the farm.

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However, something changed. Suddenly it became important for two people who decided to enter into a marriage contract to be IN LOVE. The vows that they spoke in front of a religious leader and their families were proclamations of love. Even if love faded, they were expected to carry out the marriage to the bitter end.

Then something else changed and now people join in marriage and remove themselves from situations with regular alacrity, either rejoicing in their newfound freedom or regretting the years they spent believing that their marriage was going to last.

This leaves a great number of children stuck with the idea that their family has been torn apart, they're being raised in broken homes, perpetuating the myth that children raised in single parent (or other forms) homes are at a disadvantage right off the bat.

We still cling to the old notions of marriage and raising children. One man, one woman and a couple (or hoarde) of kids make a family. No other person is responsible for teaching the child, providing moments of discipline, creating teaching moments or rejoicing with them. But with the divorce rate so high and the varying options available to us now, isn't it time we started thinking differently?

Our indignation and frustration with ever rising numbers of "single parent homes" is not in line with the freedom we have given adults to find their way to happiness. Our adherence to parenting being limited to biological parents or step-parents limits the possibility that a child can learn valuable lessons from a neighbor, aunt or teacher.

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The perfect home paradigm - one man, one woman, united in marriage till death, arising in children belonging to both of them - needs to be abandoned. I believe that it is time for us to allow marriage to be something else, temporary contracts between consenting adults who, if they choose to raise children, will engage in partnerships (outlined in the previously mentioned contract) that will allow children to become positively contributing members in society.

There are many options available. Co-parenting options, divorce and custody agreements, unusual marriage contracts. I'm sure we can come up with unlimited numbers.

Something to think about: I have never met a single person, who having had the advantage of multiple parental figures (whether they be biological or otherwise) existing in a cordial environment, found that to be detrimental to their lives.

Do you think we can change our minds about marriage?

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0 In Jail for Child Support

I was recently made aware of a case that was brought to the SCOTUS.

Michael Turner was taken to court by the mother of his child, Rebecca Rogers. He had not made his child support payments and was in arrears of up to $6,000.

In order to get him to pay, she had him taken to court and he was sentenced to 12 months in prison unless he could pay $6,000.

He claims that he has not paid child support because he lost his job and therefore has no income to pay child support. She says that is a lie because she knows he bought drugs and is actively choosing them over their child.

In South Carolina, where they live, the state is not required to provide a public defendant. So in court he was not represented by any legal counsel. Neither was she.

The case before SCOTUS is whether indigent parents (those who for one reason or another are not looking after their children) should be provided with counsel. He says the state should provide counsel so his case can be properly argued. She says that introducing counsel means she will have to pay someone and she cannot afford it.

What do you think?

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0 Google Science Fair

I'm a certifiably GOOGLEFIED! In the past, if you asked me which company I wanted to work for I would have had to say GOOGLE! The reason why it excited me was because they accepted the most creative minds and sought creative one-of-a-kind solutions to internet based problems we've all faced. That's why they are the biggest!

Anyway, enough of my google-praise.

President Obama and various other educators have said that the only way America is going to move forward is if we wholeheartedly put ourselves behind fostering creativity in our children. I agree.

Creativity is what has created some of the most fascinating technological achievements of our time. One guy put wires into his body, connecting them to the nerves that went to his brain to see if he could control a robotic arm. What if he could send those kinds of messages wirelessly to a receiver on the other side of the globe? Could the events of the 2009 Bruce Willis Movie Surrogates be just around the corner?

Here is a chance to involve your child in a very creative endeavor for their own future and possibly the future of the World. Engage them in a discussion about science and what they could do for Google Science Fair. Check out the rules, make your submissions and see what happens!

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0 Young Musician of the Day!

Happy Monday to you all!

I believe that music is something that is born in your soul. Sure it can be taught and expertise with an instrument can be carefully bred, but the little extra something that makes a few notes into a melody that makes you close your eyes in order to enjoy it is something that cannot be trained into a body.

I found a video in my inbox of a girl singing Anthony Dodson's now famous "Hide Your Kids" song. While her voice was certainly lovely it kinda left me feeling a little meh. One of the other videos that showed after it was of this young man playing his violin.

According to his YouTube Page, he learned to play the violin at 12 after watching his brother play it. His family is musically inclined so I guess it helps, but it is very nice to see this kind of talent.

I gotta say, I love videos of black children playing instruments and he does not disappoint! Press Play, see for yourself whether this is something you may actually like!

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0 Books for young readers

One of the links in our Blogroll is The Brown Bookshelf.

Making books available to our children that has the themes and personality that are integral to the African American community is difficult. At the Brown Bookshelf, various Authors and books are featured as part of a collection of books written with characters and themes that we can recognize.

Today we bring you a link directly from The Brown Bookshelf that features Author and Inspirational Speaker Joyce Carol Thomas who has written over 30 books.

Click here for more...

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