A Very Special Episode
Welcome back fans! Wooo! What an episode!
We start off at the Mo'Nique show where Malik is being interviewed. He is quite emotional in the beginning, issuing apologies to the popo who tazed him.
He's repentant (for real we hope) and almost in tears (wish he'd kept it there) till Mo'Nique reminds him about Jenna, then suddenly Tom Cruise comes out to play. Poor Cruzie Wuzie, he'll never live down messin' up Oprah's furniture. Mo'Nique handled it beautifully though and told him to GET OFF HER FURNITURE BOY!
I love Mo'Nique!
Love love love love love love (Thanks Miss. Scott)
We're happy for Malik and his beautiful Jenna who I can't seem to get a bad screen shot of! Now that is a model in control of her FACE!
She goes to clean her face and guess who rises up from the grimy depths of hell?
Parker!
Malik sets her thinking straight and tells her to get out of his VIP section coz he's not going to roll like that anymore. The look on her face is murder, but she slinks back into the darkness leaving shivers crawling up our collective spines. yiiiiiiich!
Meanwhile, the Sunbeams are sorting through fan mail where Tasha fondly remembers Steve the Serial Stabber of San Diego with whom Malik has been communicating for five years!
Jigga wha..? In case anybody forgets, the kid who shot Valentino was an obsessed and deranged man. Look y'all, I know some brothers are in there for some 2 oz. shit but I ain't tryin' to get to know anybody with the title "Serial Stabber".
Melanie is not enjoying this experience and wishes she could return to the days when little boys were sending letters from their grandma's kitchen instead of dealing with naked pictures and unwashed panties in a pile (loved the grannie panties! LOL).
Jazz says, of course as Jazz will, that since they take care of they mens with sex toys and threesomes they don't have to worry about silly underwear. Everything's alright Mel, ain't it?
Um...
I give Derwin sex REGULARLY, turned into
I'm a great lover, turned into
I'm a solid lover...
Well, at least Derwin is getting sex regularly. :-/
Feeling insecure about their sex life, Mel decides to have a conversation with her hubby and as he walks into the room he finds a surprise
Mel kicks her out of the room by speaker phone, but not before Derwin does his little "Thanks for the support" plug.
DERWIN!
Mel asks him if he is really tempted by the "half naked limber skankazoid." He is but he only loves Mel. So how about we get on Skype and you can show me your boob? Nah. Mel's not in the mood. She sulks off the phone.
Meanwhile Malik is on his way to his room, ready to talk to Jenna and retire for the night with Family Guy coz he loves talking babies! LOL! Now those are lines! Little does he know, he has a surprise in his room too!
The creature from the bog! Parker wants what Parker wants and what she wants right now is Malik no matter what he wants. He tries to tell her to get out, but she screams RAPE and someone comes running!
We're good in here! He passes her money and off she goes! Well, I guess he just has to face what is coming to him! One whole month of unwaxed dot-dot-dot (her words, not mine!).
Poor guy. He feels violated and so do I. I hope they delve deeper into this stuff because in my definition Malik got raped. It doesn't matter if he liked any of it, he was an unwilling participant. Sigh.
Mel, still feeling insecure about the sex life in her marriage, consults with Jazz.
Jazz promises to help Mel find a third party for their threesome and they go out to the club (that looks like the same one Malik and Jenna were at) to do some prime woman huntin'.
"No not her. She's drinking cranberry juice. Not her either, she's way cuter than you!"
Bored a little bit, Jazz goes off on her own to hunt when...
Althea sits beside her. Vrrrroooom vroooom! After a few ackward "can we please have a threesome" questions, the deal is sealed and a threesome is planned.
I felt gloriously awkward and I loved it!
Oh awkward Mel, where have you been? Heavy laden under all that bedazzling? Come back to us!
Malik gets home to find a celebration waiting for him thanks to Jenna. She offers him the balloons filled with helium or "these balloons." Poor guy, pain is written all over his face. Sometimes I wonder why guys don't just come out with it and say what happened to their women. You might find compassion and understanding and a very crafty solution if you play your cards right. But I understand Malik. Sorry bro.
Across the street Mel is trying out her sexy moves.
Yeah, not quite working out Mel.
LOL! I'm sure this is STRETCHING Mel. Unless you're trying to see what kind of support your handrail has. LOL!
Derwin gets home, and probably fearing that they will have a fire he asks what the candles are for.
Tonight I'm Madame Melanie, slave boy (DISmissed!).
*SLAP*
Just a note, not pizza guy, not milk man, not security guard, not butler? Slave boy? I think she'd have been better suited for a leather catsuit... yeah yeah, we know Tia is expecting her first child boo hoo, no body doubles?
Now disrobe and wait for me!
Derwin likes! He takes off upstairs while Mel prepares his surprise for him. Althea comes into the room and Mel thinks she's looking hot. Mel has to drink, hopefully to deal with what is about to happen. She directs Althea to begin and Derwin likes!
"Someone has been practicing!"
As Althea inches closer to his lips Mel can't take it anymore and
she asks Althea to leave.
"I couldn't do it!"
"It's cool, call me again if you change your mind and here is a reason why you should change your mind."
GASP!
I know, we were quite shocked too Mel apparently Derwin is not the only hottie people are lusting for. Maybe you'll get sent a pair of panties too!
Poor Derwin missed that!!!
With her lesbian cherry popped, Mel returns to Derwin trying to duplicate what she saw Althea doing.
"Is it good Derwin?"
"Yeah, but why don't you do that thing you were doing before?"
*SLAP*
"Mel!"
I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. I like awkward non-bedazzled Mel who is as confused as the rest of us about how to do certain things but completely committed to finding out how and allowing ourselves to laugh at our blunders.
Can't wait for next week!!! Is it here yet?!
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