Post Mother's Day Blues

By Gigi on Monday, 9 May 2011

So the flowers are sitting in a beautiful vase on the mantle and the chaos surrounding yesterday's festivities is settling down into a happy haze of contentedness. A quiet moment will bring into quick sharp focus, all the events of Mother's Day and the happy sounds of family gathered together to celebrate motherhood.

WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Aren't these the same people who are at each other's throats at Thanksgiving? Why is their peace and happiness on Mother's Day and not Thanksgiving? Same people, it's just fall instead of spring so what is the big deal?

It is because we are lying to ourselves. Motherhood is a knockout drag-out fight between mother and child from the day the child is born with a few minutes of peace scattered here and there. With sleepless nights, discipline, homework, bullying, puberty, broken hearts, slammed doors, the struggle to individuate, a brief moment of respite, then more fights when your child has their own... The pure agony of it is until one of the parties involved in this relationship dies it is forever fraught with the history they have created together.

Before you crinkle your nose, we all know that this relationship is difficult. If not, there wouldn't be so many movies, cartoons, ad and comedic sketches with the difficult mother.

Mother's day allows us the opportunity to scatter some pretty flowers over it, drizzle some glitter, cut out some paper hearts and tie a big bow on it. Or maybe we give our Mothers flowers and gifts so that at least for the moment, they will forget just how difficult it was to get us to this point.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Disclaimer: If you tell that story one more time, I'm storming out!

I will not be treated that way in my Mother's house!!

The horrors of motherhood that play out in many children's lives is ignored on this day. The pain they have received at the hands of those who are purported to love them like no other possibly could and sacrifice their very life blood to provide for them is completely swept aside as bodies world wide spasm in pleasure at the praise being showered on them.

Here is the truth. If you don't believe me, then please refer to this document, Summary X, released by the US Department of Health and Services in 2009.

Four-fifths (80.9%) of duplicate perpetrators of child maltreatment were parents, and another 6.3 percent were other relatives of the victim;
Of the duplicate perpetrators who were parents, four-fifths (84.7%) were the biological parents of the victim;
Women comprised a larger percentage of all unique perpetrators than men, 53.8 percent compared to 44.4 percent; and
Four-fifths (83.2%) of all unique perpetrators were between the ages of 20 and 49 years

Even without these statistics we know of mothers who have emotionally manipulated their children for years that they struggle as adults to form healthy relationships with others. Mothers who have told their children "You are dead to me" after they declare their sexuality or marry someone from a different race or economic class.

In our exuberant celebration of the mothers we appreciate, we remember those who cannot join in because their relationship with their mother is replete with unmentionable pain.

Happy post Mother's Day Blues!